I have gotten absolutely zero done today.
After a long night of hearing the caregiver bell about every 20-30 minutes, I was finally able to get some sleep after 2:30. I don’t remember when I woke up. Intentionally I camped out upstairs near my mother-in-law’s room, watching counter-espionage movies throughout the day, uploading and commenting on pictures from last night’s high school reunion, and waiting for the bell to sound down the hall. As I sat and watched No Way Out (1987), the bell didn’t ring. As soon as I got up to make a meal, the bell sounded. I rewound Double (with Richard Gere) multiple times because of calls down the hall. Watching Erased (2012 was done in three segments, as I helped change clothes, brush teeth, and administer medicine. I was in the bathroom and the bell rang once more. That’s how it goes; help isn’t required until you’re doing something else. It wasn’t until 4:30pm that I went outside to get the mail, and saw that the sky was a beautiful blue with white puffy clouds.
It makes me think of those who are couped up – through hospice or even incarceration – and unable to see the outside world due to their circumstances.
I help a person feel comfortable as she lives out her last days/weeks. Doing so makes it easy to lose sight of beauty in life – like a blue sky – when so focused on a task like hospice. Life is short and we all have a burden of some kind. Finding a beautiful something/anything each day can be a great tool in staying sane.
Maybe today wasn’t a zero after all.